Balancing Stress and Self-Care: Something I am not good at!

I have always struggled with taking self care seriously. I’m not sure why I push it off so much. Actually I know why, because i suffer from FOMO and that is what stops me from a lot of things. Not just FOMO but I also have an issue with saying no because I don’t want people to be mad at me! It’s beyond frustrating for me but I never do anything to change it!

Understanding Stressors

• Identify Major Stressors: This part is hard because everyone has stress, I am not the only one who has things going on in their life. My biggest stressor is that I do not take time for myself when I need to! A simple task like going to the bathroom at home is hard for me because I have a two year old who wants to read a book to me while I pee. I also am very good at making excuses as to why I cannot make time for myself. I have a client, I ahve work to do, I have a dr appointment, I have a meeting, etc. The list can go on forever!!!!!

• Importance of Acknowledgment: I can acknowledge all day long what stresses me out and what I can do differently. I have gotten to the point where I can point out times that make me feel anxious or overwhelmed, and take a step back to see what i can do in that moment to change my feelings. The hardest part for me so far is taking the actions to change my feelings. Once the feelings are acknowledged then that is where the change needs to happen.

Self care looks different in everyone’s eyes. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant date somewhere or spending a ton of money, My idea of what I would want self care to look like is doing my nails at home when my daughter goes to bed, or drinking coffee in the morning before everyone is awake and not on my phone. Everyday I wake up and the first thing I do is get on my phone. I have been trying not to do that for at least an hour to just wake up and get going before i start scrolling.

My struggles are saying no. This is where I fall short in every aspect of my life. If I could just say no once a week to something someone is asking of me I think I would feel less anxious. All I here sometimes is Shelbie can you do this, SHelbie this needs to be done, mom I’m hungry, mom I’m tired, can you get my meds, can you call the dr……

It is never ending. But life is always going to be this way so how do I find ways to make sure I can still answer all of those questions but with myself in mind.

I think that I worry to much about what people will think of me if I say no. I have this guilt in my stomach when I say no because I know I am capable of doing the task at hand and don’t want to say no in fear of showing weakness or that I cannot do it.

Mom guilt, work guilt, any type of guilt, I have it. But what does feeling guilty get me? It gets me more stress because I say YES and complete the task.

Overcoming guilt is not for the weak. I have realized it is something that just comes easy. But that is far from the truth! I feel guilty going to work because I am nervous I am missing to much of my daughters life. But I am going to work everyday to make sure I can provide for her life. This is the very fine line that single moms, working moms, or just working women feel on a day to day basis. We should feel guilty for taking time to ourselves. we shouldn’t feel guilty for hiding in the bathroom to have a sweet treat that you don’t want to share. You shouldn’t feel guilty for doing what you can to benefit your happiness. I think there is a stigma around taking time for yourself especially as moms. Which I get confused why because in my opinion moms carry a lot of the burden of the household naturally. What do we need to do to change this and our mindsets around self care and guilt?

We need to change the way we deal with our stress. This could mean walking away from your kid while they are having a melt down instead of trying to talk to them at that moment. This could mean telling your boss you need a day off while your kids are at school so you can be at home alone. this could mean telling your partner you are going to take yourself on a date alone. It will all look different for everyone but if you can get at lease 30 minutes to yourself, you are on the right track. I have never been a gym lover, but I have noticed that going for walks have been an amazing part of my self care.

Here is your task for the week, make yourself a priority! Find a way to make time for yourself. Disconnect from the work and work on yourself! We can do it together if you know that you are not alone! I am not alone. I have an amazing support team behind me but sometimes that is when you feel the loneliest. So take that time for yourself and do not feel guilty about it!

Tell me in the comments what you did this week to prioritize yourself and your mental health! We will check in at the end of the week to make sure we are holding each other accountable!

Remember: You are loved, you are deserving, and you are